Loss and Change Part 1

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"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you."   Isaiah 43:2.  NKJV

I would like to spend the next few days looking at loss, something we all have to face in life. I spent ten years working as a Grief Counsellor at a hospice. My remit was to work with the patients, helping them to face up to the fact that they were dying and with their loved ones. As you can imagine, this was never easy and the loss and change issues were very difficult for all to negotiate. I feel it would help if we iniatially look at the concept of loss and    change in general that we have to face because of this.

Change is never easy for many people to work through. We each have our comfort zones and are reluctant to change these, safe places. However, many times we have no choice. One of the earliest of changes, is when we are born into this world. There are certain developments that we all go through as we begin our walk in life. One of the earliest of changes for a child is when they go to their first school. This may be a nursery or indeed, pre-school. Whatever, the changes are enormous for the child to negotiate. They leave the safety of their home and go into a strange area where they are expected to interact with other children and meet this person, who will be responsible for their first spell of teaching. Initially, this can be daunting for the child as they work through the changes that have been forced upon them. The loss they undergo, is the safety of their home, their toys and the familiarity of their home environement. This is accomplished and friends are made and then things begin to settle for a while.

The next major change, is when they leave their infants school and step into the realm of secondary and grammar schools. They suffer loss of the teachers they have been used to for several years. Some of their friends may go to alternative schools, so the loss and change factor begins to accelerate..Then there is the process of once again entering a strange environment, where the lessons are harder; discipline may be stricter and the expectancy on them performing well maybe quite stressful. At any time during the child's attendance at school. families may move home. This means that friendships may come to an end; new schools and geographical areas will be difficult to comprehend and for the child that is moving, families will no doubt struggle as grandparents are left behind - only to see occasionally, their safe place within the home broken. The changes will bring about many losses.

Their own development will soon kick in as they enter their teens. Little children will now turn into adults and will be wanting to act as such. Parents will suffer loss as their little child - their baby, turns into a teenager and their bedrooms are so messy that one may need a tetanus injection to go in there. This is the time that planning for their future will be discussed. Some will be trying to go to university others will be opting to work straightaway. In the middle of all of this, boys will have girlfriends and girls will be chasing boyfriends. The changes are amazing as the loss of childhood kicks in and parents do their best to work through this.

At any time, a family member may die. This may be a grandparent, or sadly a parent may become terminally ill and the child will be struggling to make sense of all of this. Alternatively, their parents may separate, either taking the child with them into a new relationship or leaving them to pick up the pieces with the parent who is left alone. Some may turn into adults as they have to help within the home because mum or dad are too ill or upset to cope. Therefore, the teenager, ceases to be a child for a time and enters the world of the grown up.

Loss is never easy; changes are forced upon us, sometimes at a minutes warning. Working through the change that the loss has brought takes time to come to terms with. And we have only just touched the surface of this very deep area. When serious illness comes upon one of the parents - an illness that is terminal, this carries with it the highest stress level of all loss and change events. Somehow, the child has to face the biggest fear of their young lives - death of a loved one. This as I said earlier, affects us all and it is the one that is dreaded more than any loss and change element.

God is with us through all of this; but it is still so difficult to make sense of it all and the questions pile up as we seek God's reasons that someone so precious as been taken from us.

Tomorrow, we will look at bereavement in general and how it may affect us.

Copyright 2019 Grahame Howard
dailylifewithjesus@protonmail.com