Daily life with Jesus by Grahame Howard: Life Issues (4)

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4 NKJV

Our fourth and final Life Issue is grief; how we feel at this sad time and how, if possible, we manage to go through the trauma of it all. Colin Murray-Parkes says, 'Grief is the price we pay for love'. It affects us all and, although we are all different, it is nevertheless a difficult part of our lives to overcome. We can class grief as loss, and when we have a loss there is always change and this is where it becomes hard. The old environment must be given up and a new one accepted. We can define transition as a discontinuity in a person's life space. Therefore, to be able to cope with this, we need to find a way through the hurt and the changes forced upon us.

We may feel that because we are a Christian, it will be easier because God will help us. It is true that He will help and lovingly guide us through. However, it is a road that we must walk through; there is no way around it. Someone once said: 'The terrible anguish of losing someone we love is something almost every person goes through. It is the love they shared that makes the death so hard to bear. Being a Christian does not shield a person from the sadness of bereavement and the sense of loss. It is not wrong to grieve. It is not a sign of physical or spiritual weakness or failure. But in the midst of pain, Christians have hope and comfort to help them as they grieve. Christianity teaches that God knows all of humanity, right down to the numbers of hairs on our heads. (anon)

There are different stages that people go through in their grief walk. I will work from Transition Theory by Barry Hopson - Leading UK Psychologist:

IMMOBILISATION. This is a feeling of being overwhelmed, rather like being numb. Decisions are difficult to make and a person may feel 'Frozen up'.

MINIMISATION. This can be described of being in a kind of denial. People may try to shrug off what they are going through and have a false view of the way ahead.

DEPRESSION. When realisation begins to kick in, there can be a great fear because of the loss and this is not helped by the fact that they cannot change what has happened.

LETTING GO. Eventually, there comes a time when a person begins to think more rationally and believes that they may be able to handle the loss and change. It is the feeling that, there is life out there and it can, be attained. It is a case of unhooking themselves from the past and looking towards a future. However, this is not easy.

TESTING. When people do let go and make their way forward, they may test new areas of life - joining a club; going to the gym, having a new hobby. They are attempting to find a new way forward.

SEARCH FOR A MEANING. There will always be the, 'Why did this have to happen?' The answer to this is, you just don't know and one must make the best of what they have left.

INTERNALISATION. Finally, a person reaches the point where they internalise it all and begin to accept - albeit, reluctantly, what has happened. (Transition Theory, Barry Hopson)

This of course is only a compressed look at this coping technique. It may help to obtain a closer look by buying a book. As Christians, we need to remember that, we are not given a pass to avoid these issues - they are real and will happen at some stage. However, Jesus is right beside us and will take our hand through the pain and loss, if we allow Him to. In fact, He is the best counsellor, helper and friend that we will ever find.

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