"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become a sounding brass or a clanging cymbal." I Corinthians 13:1
Empty words create just an empty noise that serves no purpose whatsoever. The words are worthless, full of insincerity and lack the love of God, hence - a clanging cymbal.
I remember seeing a very funny sketch of a man sitting on the end of a small pier, fishing. All of a sudden, this chap tiptoes out behind him with a couple of large cymbals. Without hesitation, he crashed the cymbals together making the most awesome noise and the unfortunate fisherman, fell into the water. It was a hysterical sketch and people were laughing about it, but really, it just served no purpose whatsoever. It was funny, yes. But it could have caused the fisherman to have a heart attack. There was no point in it at all. It was just a clanging cymbal; and this is what the Apostle Paul is writing about here. Without love, without God in something, it is just a noise.
I often feel that there is nothing like a firm handshake. Oftentimes, we go to shake someone's hand and we receive what resembles, a limp fish in return. Their handshake may be sincere but to me, it convey's insincerity, that they don't wish to meet with us really. They have a lack of interest.
It is the same when we are speaking with someone. We need to give them eye contact. If we're staring out of the window or glancing at our watch, what does that convey? Lack of interest. How would you feel if you met with God and He began looking out of His window or was glancing at anything but yourself. It would give the impression that He is too busy or has too much on His mind to bother with us.
When we speak with someone, whether it be in a planned 'counselling' type of way or unplanned, we need to give them dignity. What I mean by this, is to show them that we are not in any rush and would really like to help, where possible. Let us beware of sounding like a clanging cymbal by saying, 'I know how you feel.' The chances are, you don't and it can put the other person off and may cause them to say, 'You don't know how I feel.' It is a closer to a conversation to act in such a way.
When the person speaks to you, don't speak over them. Allow them the space to talk, gently feeding back part of what they're saying (reflecting back) to let them know you are with them. Try to listen with the third ear - 'What is this person really trying to say?' Try and get into their shoes by identifying with them and then they'll know that you know what they're going through. Counsellors call this, getting into their, 'Internal Frame of Reference.' You'll know if you've succeeded by their reaction towards you. Once you're in there, they'll open up more.
These are only basic counselling skills but you don't have to be qualified to use them. Listen more; speak less and promise nothing. A lot of time most people just want to off load and if they've chosen you for this purpose and you agree, stick to these guidelines - unless you are qualified and have a deeper understanding.
Clanging gongs and cymbals are for those in an orchestra. You may not fit the musical skills but you can avoid the clanging cymbals and the next time someone opens up to you, show them the love of God by being a listener.
Copyright 2019 Grahame Howard
dailylifewithjesus@protonmail.com
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