Don't judge a book by looking at the cover

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"But the LORD said to Samuel, 'do not look at his appearance, his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.' "   1 Samuel 16:7. NKJV

Many publishers and authors consider that the most important part of a book is the front page. This may be because I and many other people look firstly at the cover and then make a judgement on how good the book is. Often, I have been right but occasionally I have been misled and the storyline has been boring. Some of us read the blurb on the back cover or the preface on the inside. We can then get an idea about what the book contains but not always. 

We have similar feelings about people. We meet someone, maybe at work or in church or perhaps they move into the neighbourhood and straightaway we form an opinion about them. Like them - don't like them. We may say, 'I don't like the look of him; he looks trouble if you ask me.' Or, 'I wouldn't trust her as far as I can throw her.' On the other hand, we may have favourable opinions of them, after all we are Christians. 'But time will tell.'
Someone may know more about them and the gossip begins as we hear the 'evidence' about them. The results of these findings are very rarely conclusive and can result in a bad image being painted about someone who is probably a very nice and caring person and may have been through the roughest of times. Gossip is always bad and very rarely true. It's pretty much the same as selecting a book. We don't really know, we just have to trust that it'll be ok and sometimes we get it wrong.  

Thank goodness, God is not like this with us! Imagine if He was. I for one would be wiped off the slate straightaway, I can tell you. Don't laugh, you'd be pretty close behind me. We form opinions by outward appearances. God takes a look at the heart. Someone, somewhere, may have formed a wrong opinion of you and really slated your credibility. However, thank God, He didn't. He looked at what was in your heart; the hurts you may have have suffered and that longing to make changes for the better. And He thought, 'that's my child there. I love My child so much and I'm going to make something of their life.'

Thank God, He did!

Copyright 2019 Grahame Howard 

dailylifewithjesus@protonmail.com

'What do you want me to do for you?'

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"So Jesus answered and said to him, 'What do you want me to do for you?'   Mark 11:51
Please read Mark 11:46 - 52

Jesus is coming. He's just outside of Jericho and already people are lining the road in anticipation of Him passing through. The authorities are pleased that such a dignitary is coming through the town. They have heard so much about what Jesus of Nazareth has been doing. They're hoping to see Him in action.
The crowds are getting thicker now and people are bustling to get to the front to get a better view. There's a beggar sitting in the gutter, covered in filth. His name is Bartimaeus and he is blind. No one's taking much notice of him. He's just after money after all is said and done and there is far more important things to look forward to than bothering with him. 
I hear him asking what all the fuss is about and someone tells him that Jesus is passing through any minute now. He comes alive then and starts shouting at the top of his voice, 'Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.' People around him are telling him to shut up, but he carries on shouting, 'Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.' 'Keep that beggar quiet,' says one of the crowd, 'He's a total embarrassment. Go on, get away from here before we move you.' Bartimaeus takes no notice and carries on shouting. Tempers are rising now and some try to kick him.

Suddenly, Jesus is there and hearing Bartimaeus shouting, looks around and asks for him to be brought to Him. 'Hey, beggar, Jesus of Nazareth is calling for you.' With that Bartimaeus jumps to his feet and pushes through the crowd towards where he thinks Jesus is. 'Hey watch it, beggar,' shout some of the crown, 'stop pushing us around.' There's a look of determination on the man that I have never seen anywhere. He's desperate and despite tripping up several times, he eventually reaches where Jesus is. People are laughing at him.

'What do you want me to do for you?' Jesus asks him. 'Rabonni, that I may receive my sight.' I hear Jesus saying to him, 'Go your way; your faith has made you well.' And with that, his sight is restored. He can see. Jesus has healed him. He can see. Tears are rolling down my cheeks. I've never seen anything like it. The beggar is leaping around and trying to hug Jesus. The crowds have changed their tune also, they're now shouting with joy and excitement, probably because they've seen a miracle. The place is in uproar.

This is how it would have been that hot morning near Jericho. A desperate man, who couldn't see knew he probably had only one chance to meet with Jesus and nothing was going to stop him from doing this. He didn't care what others felt about him. He knew that Jesus could restore his sight if only he could get to Him. He trusted Jesus and He'd never even met Him. He knew Jesus was the answer.

What about you? What would you ask for if Jesus said to you, 'What do you want me to do for you?' Have you the faith that this beggar had? This desolate, outcast that no one cared for? Or are you going to let Jesus pass by and then have a life time of regret. He's here right now and He is asking you the same question He asked Bartimaeus. How are you going to answer Him?

Copyright 2019 Grahame Howard 

dailylifewithjesus@protonmail.com

Loss and Change Part 3

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"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you."   Isaiah 43:2.  NKJV

As we have been looking at the various stages that one may go through during the grief, I was reminded of the profound statement that Colin Murray-Parkes OBE made:

'Grief is the price we pay for love.'

One thing is for sure, we all know that our lives will end one day; we do not live forever on this earth, that God created for us. I wonder if it has made us feel grateful for the love that we did share with our loved one. From a marital point of view, if we had never met our partner in the first place, we would not have been able to share our life with them. This is obvious. However, think of all the happiness that was shared and the special memories you have. It may help to look at these memories and put them in a special place. Some people create a memory book or, perhaps have a memory box with very special things placed in there.

One must never create an 'Elephant in the room,' situation. Some people do this. They feel that they they don't know what to say so they don't mention the person' they just talk about everyday issues. That my be the time when we continue to bring the loved one into the conversation, by, for example, 'We used to go there', 'I remember when she did this, it made me laugh.' People may feel uncomfortable when we bring our loved one into the conversation, but that is their problem, not yours.  It is always helpful to talk about them whenever you feel that it is right. Some may say, 'Since you lost your wife/husband.' As a Christian, you haven't lost them; you know where they are. They're in Heaven and one day you will be reunited. Until then, their is a separation period; but they're not lost!

Some people keep diaries and record all sorts of things during any given day. This can be useful to analyse how you are doing and see if there is anything you could change for the better. Others, write a letter to their loved ones and some have taken them to a special place, such as the graveside, or other place, and secreted the letter somewhere. It's a psychological exercise but it can work for many people.

Don't be surprised if some people, who see you in the street, shoot off into the nearest store to avoid you. They're not being rude. They just don't know what to say so that avoid the issue afraid they'll say the wrong thing. Not everyone is a grief counsellor.

One major thing, make sure that you take care of yourself. Eat and exercise when you can and get out into the fresh air and find some leaves to kick around. It relieves stress so much. Your loved one would want you to go on; to take care of yourself and make sure that you're ok. Furthermore, God wants the same from you. If you don't wish to go to the church, that's ok but make sure that you read your bible and talk to God. He really cares for you more than you can ever imagine at this time. And He is longing for you to just throw yourself at His feet and let Him comfort and love you. 
Now that sounds a good idea to me.

Copyright 2019 Grahame Howard 

dailylifewithjesus@protonmail.com

Loss and Change Part 2

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"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you."   Isaiah 43:2.  NKJV

Loss and change affects everyone, we even find this in the Old Testament. Joseph suffered much loss when he was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. The change was difficult for him to negotiate. The changes came quickly.  Being Potiphar's head servant; being accused of attempted rape and thrown into prison; and then becoming Prime Minister.
Then of course, there were the disciples. Meeting with Jesus, having their lives turned upside down and then Jesus dying on the cross and eventual resurrection. 

Loss brings change and this is where it becomes difficult to work through. Colin Murray-Parkes OBE a British psychologist says:

'Grief is the price we pay for love'

This is a very profound statement but explains grief very clearly. There are certain stages that one may go through after someone very close to us, dies. Let us look at these in turn. However, one may not go through these stages as they are written; everyone is different. But they do give us a template to work with. I want us to look at Transition Theory by Barry Hopson, a leading psychologist. I feel this is a good model to work with, but there are several others though.

TRANSITION THEORY

IMMOBILISATION This is probably the first stage that a person goes through when someone close to them dies. It is a feeling of numbness and immense sadness. Life is just totally out of control and it is very difficult to make sense of what has happened. Sleep patterns change as do eating habits, and there really does not seem to be any answers to what has happened or why, even though we may have known time was short. It is a time of shock and possible anger.

MINIMISATION  In this stage, people may deny what has happened. They may go through each day doing the same things, even thinking that their love one will be home in a moment. Denial is a safe place to be. It limits the pain we take on board. However, in the long term, it is not helpful.

DEPRESSION. When realisation creeps in and the above two stages have served very little purpose, it may be easy to slip into a state of depression. Some may not eat properly and may feel like staying in bed for great lengths of time. They may isolate themselves. There is just very little point in anything.

LETTING GO  The first three stages are actually linked with the past - what has happened and how it has affected the individual. A person may travel though the initial stages  having good and bad days for quite a long time. Everyone is different. Eventually, as time goes on, there comes a realisation that there is life out there. The person didn't plan to be alone and grieving but the sun is beginning to shine again. There is a feeling that they may feel that it is time to move on. Strength has returned. This is when it may be time to LET GO of the pain - not the memory of the deceased -  but just to let go of the awful pain and feelings one had and take a step towards moving on, taking the memory of the loved one with them. This is not easy and at any time, they may slip back again.

TESTING  This is stage when people who have let go, may try out new things, perhaps a new hobby or change in lifestyle. Some may even change their image; some may go travelling. Each one is different.

SEARCH FOR A MEANING  In this stage, a person may find themselves reminiscing and wondering why all of this had to happen, especially when everything had seemed to be going well. Questions need answering but rarely are.

INTERNALISATION  This final stage is the acceptance of it all. Hopefully it will be a positive acceptance, one that has taken time to reach and there has been a positive move to go forward.

It must be stressed that, one may not go through these stages as they are written down. A person needs time to process what has happened to them and it may be quite a time before they reach the acceptance stage - if at all. Initially there are 'the firsts,' to go through - anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas etc. These take a little negotiating.

As a Christian, we still hurt and we still miss the person who has died. It may not help to know the they are now in Heaven; in fact, that may lead to arguing with God, asking Him why He took them away. That is ok. God understands and will offer all the comfort we need as we allow Him to spend time with us. He gives us a promise in the scripture above that He will be with us as we pass through the waters and they will not overflow us. In other words, He will take our hand and walk us through and take us safely to the other side. He will never leave us and will be with us every minute of the day or night. He will not force Himself upon us but will wait patiently until we are ready to speak to Him.

As time goes by, we will have the understanding that our loved one is with Him and are safe and suffering no more. We will also be assured that we will see them again. Of that, every Spirit Filled Christian  can rely on that promise.

Please be aware that this is only the start of analysing what has happened. The loss of a very close loved one is not easy to live with However, time is a great healer and has time goes on, it may be easier to manage and live with.

Copyright 2019 Grahame Howard

dailylifewithjesus@protonmail.com

Loss and Change Part 1

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"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you."   Isaiah 43:2.  NKJV

I would like to spend the next few days looking at loss, something we all have to face in life. I spent ten years working as a Grief Counsellor at a hospice. My remit was to work with the patients, helping them to face up to the fact that they were dying and with their loved ones. As you can imagine, this was never easy and the loss and change issues were very difficult for all to negotiate. I feel it would help if we iniatially look at the concept of loss and    change in general that we have to face because of this.

Change is never easy for many people to work through. We each have our comfort zones and are reluctant to change these, safe places. However, many times we have no choice. One of the earliest of changes, is when we are born into this world. There are certain developments that we all go through as we begin our walk in life. One of the earliest of changes for a child is when they go to their first school. This may be a nursery or indeed, pre-school. Whatever, the changes are enormous for the child to negotiate. They leave the safety of their home and go into a strange area where they are expected to interact with other children and meet this person, who will be responsible for their first spell of teaching. Initially, this can be daunting for the child as they work through the changes that have been forced upon them. The loss they undergo, is the safety of their home, their toys and the familiarity of their home environement. This is accomplished and friends are made and then things begin to settle for a while.

The next major change, is when they leave their infants school and step into the realm of secondary and grammar schools. They suffer loss of the teachers they have been used to for several years. Some of their friends may go to alternative schools, so the loss and change factor begins to accelerate..Then there is the process of once again entering a strange environment, where the lessons are harder; discipline may be stricter and the expectancy on them performing well maybe quite stressful. At any time during the child's attendance at school. families may move home. This means that friendships may come to an end; new schools and geographical areas will be difficult to comprehend and for the child that is moving, families will no doubt struggle as grandparents are left behind - only to see occasionally, their safe place within the home broken. The changes will bring about many losses.

Their own development will soon kick in as they enter their teens. Little children will now turn into adults and will be wanting to act as such. Parents will suffer loss as their little child - their baby, turns into a teenager and their bedrooms are so messy that one may need a tetanus injection to go in there. This is the time that planning for their future will be discussed. Some will be trying to go to university others will be opting to work straightaway. In the middle of all of this, boys will have girlfriends and girls will be chasing boyfriends. The changes are amazing as the loss of childhood kicks in and parents do their best to work through this.

At any time, a family member may die. This may be a grandparent, or sadly a parent may become terminally ill and the child will be struggling to make sense of all of this. Alternatively, their parents may separate, either taking the child with them into a new relationship or leaving them to pick up the pieces with the parent who is left alone. Some may turn into adults as they have to help within the home because mum or dad are too ill or upset to cope. Therefore, the teenager, ceases to be a child for a time and enters the world of the grown up.

Loss is never easy; changes are forced upon us, sometimes at a minutes warning. Working through the change that the loss has brought takes time to come to terms with. And we have only just touched the surface of this very deep area. When serious illness comes upon one of the parents - an illness that is terminal, this carries with it the highest stress level of all loss and change events. Somehow, the child has to face the biggest fear of their young lives - death of a loved one. This as I said earlier, affects us all and it is the one that is dreaded more than any loss and change element.

God is with us through all of this; but it is still so difficult to make sense of it all and the questions pile up as we seek God's reasons that someone so precious as been taken from us.

Tomorrow, we will look at bereavement in general and how it may affect us.

Copyright 2019 Grahame Howard
dailylifewithjesus@protonmail.com

Things can't be rushed

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"A man's gift makes room for him and brings him before great men."  Proverbs 18:16

This can be said about Joseph. He was despised by his brothers because of his favouritism by his father, and yet within this young man, were many talents and gifting that would eventually bring him before, possibly the most powerful man on earth - Pharaoh at that time, and would result in him being made Prime Minister - second in charge. However, this didn't happen over night and Joseph had to go through much stress and heartache before it came about.

The same can be said for David. He was only a young boy and yet he took on the mighty Goliath - the intimidating Philistine giant. Against all odds, he slayed him. David had been anointed king by Samuel, under the direction of God. King Saul had shown himself not to be worthy of leading Israel and so became yesterday's man. However, he remained in his position for many years and through his jealousy of David, made many threats against him. David had to wait 20 years before he took up his role of king.
In both these examples, we see two talented and gifted men who despite this fact, had to wait before they were set in the place God wanted them to be. 

Talents and gifts are vital when we are planning a career. We all have them in varying degrees. Sometimes they are obvious to us and others, then again, sometimes they need nurture, experience, hard work and encouragement to bring them out. Some people's talents and gifts are noticed very soon and they succeed practically overnight, such as pop stars and actors. Others may have the same gifting, yet never find the same success.

RT Kendall quotes an interesting phrase that his mentor, Dr Martin Lloyd Jones gave him many years ago:

'The worst thing that can happen to a man is to succeed before he is ready'

Think about that very wise statement. Imagine a doctor being taken on by a surgery even though he or she had only had six month's training. It would be disastrous to the patients, the surgery and the doctor too. They would be trying to succeed before their time and their training qualified them to practice. It would be ridiculous.
King David had to wait 20 years before his time came. Joseph waited many years in prison before he came into his destiny and probably this is where you are at too. Things are rarely formed overnight. It takes time and patience. This is where it can be difficult for some. Waiting really is boring and frustrating at times, but it is needed. Some give up because the waiting is too great.

Is this where you are at this time? It could be a job; starting a business; going into ministry or waiting for the right break in life to come along. Whatever it is, don't give up now. You've waited this long. Your reward may be just around the corner. Then again, it may be a few years in coming; but if you give up, you will regret it one day.

Copyright 2019 Grahame Howard 

dailylifewithjesus@protonmail.com

Chop your own tree down

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"For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner; not working at all, but are busy bodies".   2 Thessalonians 3:11.  NKJV

At the end of the day, the only thing we can change about others is our attitude towards them. We need to do what we're supposed to do and stop being more concerned about what other people do or do not do. If our task for the day is to dig the garden then that is fine. But don't try to dig someone elses- they won't like it. Likewise, if our task is to chop down one of the trees in the garden, don't try chopping down your neighbours's tree. I promise you, they will throw a wobbly.

Some people don't work but they have good reasons not too. They may be ill or have a severe disability - one that you cannot see. We have no right to judge them. We're just being a busy body. Yes there are some people who have no intention to work, but again, we have no right to point the finger at them. Better still, we need to look after our own failings instead.

Some people do things differently to others. To them, it is normal, to us it may be totally abnormal. I remember when I was a social worker. A concerned person contacted social services saying that she felt her neighbour's children were at risk because the whole house was a tip, and they could not be looking after the children properly. When checks were carried out, the children were clean and well-cared for. Furthermore, the school had no concerns with their welfare. The only abnormality was that the parents were not very good with housework. Their level of tidiness was not what some other people would have. The place was untidy but to the parents, this was normality. To the neighbour, it was abnormal. Different standards and that was all it was. The children were fine and always had been.

We need to be careful about making judgements about people, because we do not know the full story. We need to stick to chopping our own trees down. This is the way forward. In other words, God would want us to refrain from pointing the finger at people. They may not measure up to our standards, but they do to God.

Copyright 2019 Grahame Howard 

dailylifewithjesus@protonmail.com