How do you respond?

"A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, but harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger"               Proverbs 15:1    Amplified study bible

Well thought out responses to unkind confrontations help to defuse certain situations. A soft, gentle and thoughtful answer stands a better chance of blocking wrath than jumping in like a bull in a china shop. Harsh, painful and careless words promote anger. David Jeremiah says, 'Mean spirited words are the slowest and most venomous of toxins that ultimately brings down two lives. And nearly always, one's tone of voice makes the difference.'

However, a wise tongue speaks knowledge which can be pleasing and acceptable. Often it is not what we say but how we say it that prompts either a response of anger or acceptance. Words can offer life-giving or death-providing results.

Wise speech is both restrained and edifying. Ephesians 4:29 says 'Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.' In a confrontational situation it takes self-control; to respond gently; but in doing so, it is constructive because it helps to turns away an angry, volatile situation.

When we become pressured and burdened with things the last thing that we need is someone coming along and saying something negative to us. They may be in the right but their timing may be wrong. Responding in a volatile way to them - snapping their heads off, is not the best course of action. It may cause an argument or it may leave the recipient of your outburst feeling upset. Who was in the wrong? Both of you, possibly. Perhaps the person that came and spoke to you could have chosen a better time and if they retaliated to your outburst in a defensive manner, they should have controlled this and walked away choosing a different day. However, should you have made the outburst? Probably you feel that you should have; but if you play the video back in your mind of what happened, you may identify that you had allowed yourself to get under pressure, when perhaps you could have arranged your tasks better. 

It is a learning curve for all of us; one in which we have to be certain that we are in control of what comes out of our mouths. Now this is something to think about! 

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

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Darkness v Light

 "And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." v5    

                                                                                                       John 1:1-5    NKJV

Jesus is the Light of the world and the unbelieving world - darkness - seeks to eliminate Him and all He stands for. Satan attempts to banish Him from our lives. One only has to consider what is happening in our world today, to realise this. Christianity and prayers are mostly omitted from school lessons and assemblies. Christianity is slowly being blocked and criminalised in some areas. It has become offensive to normal living; people stand the risk of being arrested for preaching about Jesus on the streets and yet, things that are contrary to our faith are considered ok. The world is a sinful place and it will become worse.

John 1:10 says, 'He (Jesus) was in the world, and the world was made through Him and the world did not know Him. 11 He came to His own and His own did not receive Him.'  Jesus is the Word; He was there at the beginning and there was not a thing created that He wasn't involved in. He is God. And yet, people refuse to believe this. Why? Because the devil has blindfolded their eyes to the truth. Darkness represents the natural sphere of all who hate good. The person who has something to hide, loves the darkness. People are continually hoodwinked about the truth of Jesus Christ. However, the power in Jesus is everlasting, darkness can hate Him and also us; but, it can never defeat Him or stop us as long as we remain in the Light.

If you belong to Jesus, you are of the light and Jesus is your Saviour. This means that you stand out in the darkness around you. You don't belong and this is why you get shot at from time to time. Like two north cells of a magnet repel each other, so do darkness and light. They can never be joined together because they are opposites. This is not a game, it is serious business. People who are in the darkness cannot comprehend the light, this is why they need preachers and evangelists to make this known; and this includes us. You don't need a theology degree or dog collar to tell people about Jesus and help them take off the blindfold so that they can see the light. You just do it!

How many people do you personally know who are walking about in darkness? This may be friends, acquaintances or even your own family. If they don't know Jesus - the Light - then they are in the danger of being lost on the day of judgement, which is closer than we think. Don't you think it is time to bring them into the kingdom?

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

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Neither do I condemn you

"Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more."                              John 8:11    NKJV 

This is an interesting verse; the crowd were expecting Jesus to compromise what He had been teaching by agreeing with them. But He didn't. What He did do was to challenge them, 'He who is without sin among you, let him throw the first stone at her.' v7. This cleared the place. He then spoke to the woman caught in adultery and told her that he didn't't condemn her. William Barclay in his commentary to the Gospel of John comments: 'It is important that we should understand just how Jesus did treat this woman. It is easy to draw the wrong lesson altogether and to gain the impression that Jesus forgave lightly and easily, as if the sin did not matter. What He said was "I am not going to condemn you just now; go and sin no more." In effect, what He was doing was not to abandon judgement  and say, "Don't worry; it's quite all right". What He did was, as it were, to defer sentence. He said, "I am not going to pass a final judgement now, go and prove that you can do better. You have sinned ; go and sin no more and I'll help you all the time. At the end of the day we will see how you have lived.' 

In contrast David Guzik gives a more convincing version of this passage: 

" Go and sin no more: Jesus sent her away with a call to stop her sin, and to continue stopped in regard to that sin. He sent her away without ever approving of or accepting her sin. “The form of the command implies a ceasing to commit an action already started: ‘Stop your sinful habit’. Jesus did several things with these powerful words.· He recognised that what the woman had done was sin, because He told her to stop sinning.· He told her to repent, and to not continue her sin.· He gave her hope that her life could go on in freedom from sexual sin.· He gave her a word of hope to speak against the shame that would later likely threaten to overwhelm her life. The woman needed hope because the consequences of her sin would be severe enough. After this she would likely be shunned by her community, and rejected by her husband, perhaps even divorced (assuming she was married or betrothed)".

Whereas, we may all agree with the latter version and find the first difficult to accept, they indeed are both right. Jesus told the woman to sin no more. Once we have been forgiven for something, we cannot carry on with this sin. It would be like committing adultery, receiving forgiveness and going and committing it again knowing that we will be forgiven. It doesn't work like that. It would be mocking Jesus' position on the cross. We receive His forgiveness and move away from this in the future.  However, Jesus knows that we are not perfect and makes provision for this. He will always forgive us 1 John 1:9. It is important to note that Jesus was referring to adultery, not every sin in the world that we could commit. But it does show us that Jesus is serious and although He forgives our sin and will not hold it against us in  judgement; He expects us to avoid that sin in the future.

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

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What goes around comes around

"Do not be deceived, for God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap."                                                                                      Galatians 6:7    NKJV 

Some years ago, I remember a Christian man giving his testimony at a church convention. He told us, that for many years he had been subjected to persecution, bullying and threatening behaviour from someone who worked along side him. He put up with it for so long until, one day he walked off and prayed to God telling Him that he could take no more of this, 'Please help me Lord.' That same day, this man who had been abusing him, had a fatal heart attack right there at work. 

Now, we are left with the question, would God do such a thing as this, after all, He loves everyone. Well, the answer is yes. Read Romans 12:17-21 and you will see that God's Word tells us that, vengeance is His, He will repay, we don't have to do anything but just allow God to work on our behalf. This man was not coming against human flesh but against God Himself and he paid the price. Read again today's verse: 'Do not be deceived, for God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.' This man had sown hate and persecution towards one of God's people and God intervened and dealt with him.

This is scary stuff but, we cannot take God on and win. We also cannot keep sowing bad seed and expect to reap a glowing harvest. It doesn't work like that. God would have us to sow good seed so that we reap what we deserve. God is not mocked, we can hide nothing from Him. He is not out to 'get us', like some MI5 agent watching our every move and pouncing on us at the right time. He doesn't police us, He loves us, very much. His plan is to bless our lives, but we need to watch what choices we make because, the choice we make we will live by.

What choices are you making just lately? What is the value of your seed? Just the fact that if you have asked Jesus into your heart, means that you have chosen to follow Him and live your life accordingly. However, we face pitfalls in our walk with Him and many things are sent to distract us and lead us along the wrong path. Make it a choice that you will not allow this as much as it depends on you. Reaffirm the choice that you have made and walk boldly with Him for the rest of your days.

Personal these two verses from Joshua:

14 “Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. 15 And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

                                                                                                         Joshua 24:14-15.   ESV

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

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Lord, I can't feel You

"How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? 2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?                               Psalm 13:1-2    NKJV                                                                                          

David had a very deep love for God - a deep emotional and psychological relationship as a son to a father. Here he asks God four questions because he feels alone, forgotten and confused. Verse 2 describes him, 'having sorrow in my heart daily'. He felt forgotten by God; he felt God was hiding His face from him; he had a daily sorrow in his heart that wouldn't go away, no matter how hard he tried and he felt that his enemies were taking over from him. He began to feel that it was all his fault because of the sin in his life. We are like this sometimes. We feel like God has left us and is nowhere around and we relate this to what we have done wrong. It can feel like God has left us when we have sinned, however, when we repent, He is there, beside us and forgives us. He has promised that He will never leave us Hebrews 13:5. It does though feel like we are on our own at such times.

Often we feel that God should work the way we want Him to and within our time frame. When He doesn't we can be tempted to ask, 'Where is God in all of this when I need Him?' God is never at a distance from us, He is there right beside us, always. He will never forget us. But sometimes He may allow us to go through trials in order to grow and realise our need of Him. Isaiah 49:14-15 says, 'But Zion said, "The Lord has forsaken me, and my Lord has forgotten me." 15 Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you.' He just cannot forget you because He loves you.

You may feel a distance between you and Jesus at this time. Please realise, He has not moved, He is there right beside you urging you on. Things may have been tough just lately and like David, you may be in anguish and confused by it all. Don't worry, God has it all in His control. He is about to make a way forward for you but, you must allow Him to, you cannot do it alone.

Why not pray this prayer of David's in verse 3-6:

'Consider and hear me, O Lord my God; enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; lest my enemy say, 'I have prevailed against him"; lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved.

'But I have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me.'

Now just relax in the knowledge that you are deeply loved and considered honourable. 

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

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Defence Mechanisms final part

"let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathise with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace , that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."                                            Hebrews 4:15-16   NKJV 

When we have built defence mechanisms around us, how then, do we remove them so that we can move forward? As Christians, the best way is to involve Jesus in this complexed area. Lawrence J Crabb Jnr, a Christian Psychologist, said 'The basic personal need of each person is to regard himself as a worthwhile human being'. This means knowing that God will give you the confidence that you need. And William Glasser comments, 'Everyone aspires to have a happy, successful, pleasurable belief in himself.' Robert S McGee, author of The Search for Significance writes: 'Our hunger for self worth is God given and can only be satisfied by Him.' There we have it in a nutshell, we must turn to God in our time of need.

A very basic model to help with defence mechanisms is The ABC Theory. Quite simply this consists of a:               

 Situation.     A Reaction      A Response

The situation is what you are faced with. The reaction is how you handle this and how you attempt to resolve it. You are then left with the response and result. To every situation there will always be a reaction and it follows that this reaction will determine the response and result. Therefore, it is taking what your are struggling with and analysing what reaction you come up with. From there, as you know what the problem is you are struggling with, it is necessary to give this to God and ask Him to bring about a Godly response that will provide a satisfactory result.

You see, God cares very much for you. It matters to Him when you are struggling with issues and not flowing at the level He wants for you. Life has dealt you a bad hand but there is a way out and, forgetting the past and reaching forward to the things that are ahead, is the answer (Philippians 3:13). There is no other way if you want freedom. The past is the past, you cannot change it. However, there is life out there for living and God wants you to enjoy every moment of it.

We all have to start somewhere and, for you, perhaps the best place to start is with what the reason is for blocking things. The simple test above may help or if you know already, cast it over to Jesus and let go of it all.

Pray this: 

Lord Jesus, You know the struggle that I have and the pain it has caused me over the years. I am ready to give it all to You, Lord. Please receive this and help me to make a brand new, problem free life with You. I ask in Jesus' name . Amen.

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

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Defence Mechanisms. (2)

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"                                         Psalm 27:1     NKJV 

Children and Marital Breakdown.  As human beings, we develop defence mechanisms in order to block pain. Many people have deep-rooted scars that have been caused by living in a dysfunctional family. They may have been subjected to alcoholism, drug abuse, divorce, absent father or mother, excessive anger or abuse in various manners. As a child, you may have been taken into care and the fear of this, together with the loss of familiar surroundings, no matter how bad they may have been, have caused an anger and bitterness that still rules today. This can affect forming new relationships. It may be very difficult to fully trust anyone and there may be suspicion and lack of trust that can be a prominent block to forming friendships. A person such as this, is a survivor, they have had to learn the art of this to get through the life that has been forced upon them. However, this type of survival tactic carries with it mistrust - this person will not allow anyone to get that close to them just in case people are out to hurt them. Therefore, they manage on their own and only give to people a piece of themselves. Does this sound familiar?

Divorce and Relationships.  Anyone who has suffered the pain of divorce or breakdown of a relationship, may carry around with them memories that they do not want to re-live again. Many may re-marry after a time but can be reluctant to fully trust their new partner again just in case they hurt them as well. Therefore, they only give about 85% and keep the rest locked behind their protective wall. When this happens, trust is limited and before too long disagreements may begin because the other partner feels left out in the cold. It takes time to build a relationship and the only true way for this to survive is to have God right in the middle of the marriage. Without Him there, the marriage can become very shaky and full of suspicion, mistrust and argument. The partner who was hurt in their first marriage may refuse to give all of themselves and the future of this relationship looks bleak. 

Memories.  We all have memories, some good and some bad. However, if they affect us in a painful way, the only way round these is to remember that they were in the past. We can never bring back what happened yesterday, however hard we try. The person who has built a defensive wall  around themselves may well live in the past, re-living what happened, what might have happened or what should have happened. However, it is futile to keep living in the past, especially if it contains pain. All you are doing is trying to live a life that could never have been and one in which only leads to further heartache. Memories affect us all; a particular piece of music can catapult us back to a special or painful time. We can re-live that memory as the music's playing. but it is only torture to do so. That part of life is over and it is time to move on.

Tomorrow, in our final part of this small series, we will look at ways to be able to move forward and leave the past behind for good.

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

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