Defence Mechanisms final part

"let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathise with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace , that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."                                            Hebrews 4:15-16   NKJV 

When we have built defence mechanisms around us, how then, do we remove them so that we can move forward? As Christians, the best way is to involve Jesus in this complexed area. Lawrence J Crabb Jnr, a Christian Psychologist, said 'The basic personal need of each person is to regard himself as a worthwhile human being'. This means knowing that God will give you the confidence that you need. And William Glasser comments, 'Everyone aspires to have a happy, successful, pleasurable belief in himself.' Robert S McGee, author of The Search for Significance writes: 'Our hunger for self worth is God given and can only be satisfied by Him.' There we have it in a nutshell, we must turn to God in our time of need.

A very basic model to help with defence mechanisms is The ABC Theory. Quite simply this consists of a:               

 Situation.     A Reaction      A Response

The situation is what you are faced with. The reaction is how you handle this and how you attempt to resolve it. You are then left with the response and result. To every situation there will always be a reaction and it follows that this reaction will determine the response and result. Therefore, it is taking what your are struggling with and analysing what reaction you come up with. From there, as you know what the problem is you are struggling with, it is necessary to give this to God and ask Him to bring about a Godly response that will provide a satisfactory result.

You see, God cares very much for you. It matters to Him when you are struggling with issues and not flowing at the level He wants for you. Life has dealt you a bad hand but there is a way out and, forgetting the past and reaching forward to the things that are ahead, is the answer (Philippians 3:13). There is no other way if you want freedom. The past is the past, you cannot change it. However, there is life out there for living and God wants you to enjoy every moment of it.

We all have to start somewhere and, for you, perhaps the best place to start is with what the reason is for blocking things. The simple test above may help or if you know already, cast it over to Jesus and let go of it all.

Pray this: 

Lord Jesus, You know the struggle that I have and the pain it has caused me over the years. I am ready to give it all to You, Lord. Please receive this and help me to make a brand new, problem free life with You. I ask in Jesus' name . Amen.

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

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Defence Mechanisms. (2)

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"                                         Psalm 27:1     NKJV 

Children and Marital Breakdown.  As human beings, we develop defence mechanisms in order to block pain. Many people have deep-rooted scars that have been caused by living in a dysfunctional family. They may have been subjected to alcoholism, drug abuse, divorce, absent father or mother, excessive anger or abuse in various manners. As a child, you may have been taken into care and the fear of this, together with the loss of familiar surroundings, no matter how bad they may have been, have caused an anger and bitterness that still rules today. This can affect forming new relationships. It may be very difficult to fully trust anyone and there may be suspicion and lack of trust that can be a prominent block to forming friendships. A person such as this, is a survivor, they have had to learn the art of this to get through the life that has been forced upon them. However, this type of survival tactic carries with it mistrust - this person will not allow anyone to get that close to them just in case people are out to hurt them. Therefore, they manage on their own and only give to people a piece of themselves. Does this sound familiar?

Divorce and Relationships.  Anyone who has suffered the pain of divorce or breakdown of a relationship, may carry around with them memories that they do not want to re-live again. Many may re-marry after a time but can be reluctant to fully trust their new partner again just in case they hurt them as well. Therefore, they only give about 85% and keep the rest locked behind their protective wall. When this happens, trust is limited and before too long disagreements may begin because the other partner feels left out in the cold. It takes time to build a relationship and the only true way for this to survive is to have God right in the middle of the marriage. Without Him there, the marriage can become very shaky and full of suspicion, mistrust and argument. The partner who was hurt in their first marriage may refuse to give all of themselves and the future of this relationship looks bleak. 

Memories.  We all have memories, some good and some bad. However, if they affect us in a painful way, the only way round these is to remember that they were in the past. We can never bring back what happened yesterday, however hard we try. The person who has built a defensive wall  around themselves may well live in the past, re-living what happened, what might have happened or what should have happened. However, it is futile to keep living in the past, especially if it contains pain. All you are doing is trying to live a life that could never have been and one in which only leads to further heartache. Memories affect us all; a particular piece of music can catapult us back to a special or painful time. We can re-live that memory as the music's playing. but it is only torture to do so. That part of life is over and it is time to move on.

Tomorrow, in our final part of this small series, we will look at ways to be able to move forward and leave the past behind for good.

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

dailylifewithjesusbygrahamehoward.blogspot.com          

If you would like to contact me, CLICK HERE

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Defence Mechanisms. (1)

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"                                         Psalm 27:1     NKJV 

David here, affirms God as our source of confidence. As a light, He illuminates all of the darkness that is around. God delivers you physically and spiritually in spite of enemies that creep around. There is nothing to fear because you are in God. However, you may be carrying old baggage around that has long needed throwing away. Let's look at a few of these:

When something is thrown at you, you naturally put your hands out to block the item from hitting you. This is an automatic response in order to protect yourself. The mind reacts against against anything you believe to be harmful. Things such as:

A verbal assault. This may be from someone you care about or from another person. The words spoken can pierce your heart like an arrow and may remind you of earlier verbal abuse that you had to suffer. At that time, you may have made a vow that you would never allow anyone to talk to you in such a way, again. Therefore, when you speak with someone who does, that inner vow is activated and you put up that guard, refusing to allow the words to penetrate. When this is happening, you may also let rip with words to match and a battle is started. This could be with family, friends or even a boss at work, who speaks harshly. I know of several service personal who after leaving the services, declared that no one would ever boss them around again. They would accept requests but never orders. This may have caused them problems later in life. There is a balance that needs to be found.

A Negative statement. Some words spoken by parents, guardians or other people may have left scars that are still open. Just being told that you are useless and will never make anything has been said to many young people. Also, when you have done something for someone and they pull it apart as if it is rubbish. You may have said, 'I did my best'. In return, they have have said, 'Well your best isn't good enough.' Where do you go when you are told that your best is not good enough.

The above issues cause a person to react very negatively and they learn to build defence mechanisms. These are ways that help them to cope with what is thrown at them. This may be where you are at this time. Your past is catching up on you and causing you some distress as you try and people are recognising this. Using a defence mechanism means that you are building a wall around yourself and not allowing people to get too close to you. Jesus wants to heal this if you will let Him.

Tomorrow we will look at three more areas that cause reactions and then we look at ways to counteract this.

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

dailylifewithjesusbygrahamehoward.blogspot.com          

If you would like to contact me, CLICK HERE

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Stop worrying and be happy

 "A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones."    

                                                                                                     Proverbs 17:22     NKJV

When we are happy it shows in all we do. People notice and are infected by the smile that we give. It has a warming effect. Furthermore, a good belly laugh is so beneficial to our health; it brings us a healthy release. When did you last have one?

Alternatively, those who are defeated  and broken see the effect in their health and attitude. When a person has nothing to look forward to or be happy about, their life dries up.

Bob Marley wrote a brilliant song called called Three Little Birds and the words of the chorus were:

'Don't worry about a thing ' cause every little thing is gonna be all right'  

You are probably humming this catchy little song in your head right now. The song made people happy, that's what it was intended to do. God also has happy words for us which are life-giving.

'But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.'     Matthew 6:33-34.   NKJV

Worry is a tormentor, it rules our lives if we allow it to. But Jesus tells us not to worry, in fact, it is a command. He does not want us wasting one moment fretting about the things of the world. There is always a solution, and Jesus has it. 

Be honest, just lately, has your life been filled with so much worry that it is impossible to smile or even feel that there is a way through the mess. There is a way, God will show you if you ask Him. 

The song above says, 'Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing is gonna be all right'. 

Don't you think it is time that you believe that if you belong to Jesus, it will be all right? Don't you think that it is about time that you spoke life to those dried up bones of yours and put a smile on your face? You belong to the King of kings. He will never let you down. Stand up and shout, 'AMEN'.

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

dailylifewithjesusbygrahamehoward.blogspot.com          

If you would like to contact me, CLICK HERE

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Self - Examination

"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life." v23 

                                                                                                  Proverbs 4:20-27   NKJV 

The Word of God is life and health to our flesh. Our heart is our source of life - without it life is over. So take care of it by exercising and eating sensibly and worry less. The heart is also our store. Good and evil are produced from what it contains (Luke 6:45). Again, extreme care should be taken. Keep it with all diligence otherwise, the store can control how we speak, what we look at and where we go v26-27.

There is a need for parents to advise and train up their children about issues such as this. Solomon was a good example of this and he didn't care if he was being repetitious. He felt it was of great importance. However, when we are teaching our children in this way, we have to live up to what we say. Children watch how we handle things. Therefore, if we want to show them the way to go, we must also be sure that we are going the same way too. Otherwise, it will all go wrong and they will rebel.

One of the big ways that we let ourselves down is with what we say - what comes out of our mouths. If we are not in control and something comes along that really winds us up, we can let rip with some colourful language. Once those words are out we can't erase them. They have been spoken and someone may have witnessed this, which can make us feel awful and condemned. We are only human, this is true, however we should really be in control of this area and if not, we need to work on it.

We need every now and then, to do a self examination of our inner self. Asking ourselves questions such as:

Have I a deceitful mouth?                                    

Do I use perverse language?

Do my eyes wander to the opposite sex?            

Do I go to places that are unwise areas?

Am I easily led?

These questions if answered honestly will give you a spiritual self assessment of the condition of your heart. You will then be able to offer these areas up to God, asking Him to help you work on them. It may take a while to tackle these but it will be well worth it.

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard.                                 

dailylifewithjesusbygrahamehoward.blogspot.com          

If you would like to contact me, CLICK HERE

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Giving to God

"Honour the LORD with your possessions, and with the first fruits of all your increase; 10 so your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will overflow with new wine."       

                                                                                                      Proverbs 3:9-10    NKJV 

A most contentious subject, one that has caused many a heated conversation throughout the years of church life is the practice of giving our money to God and to His work. Some give much, others do not give at all and God does not hold a gun against a person's head to comply. He does though, promise blessings to those who do give.

Giving to God is a demonstration of how much we trust and value Him. He is the source of all that we have and He will continue to provide our needs. It really is an act of worship towards Him. We hold Him so dearly and are so grateful for all He does for us and it becomes a matter of gratitude and thankfulness. As we begin to feel this, we cannot fail to worship Him.

Here Solomon is saying we need to honour God with the first fruits of all our increase. Note the words, 'first fruits', this is our income before we have spent anything. It is the first thing we need to do, not giving whatever we have left. We expect God to give us the best, in return we should do the same. Also note, 'all of your increase'. This reinforces that we should give Him the best, not just what we can afford. Worship gives all.

The work of God covers a multitude of areas. Of course, there is the upkeep of the church and pastor and the many resources that are needed to provide the Word of God. But also, there is the mission field. In parts of our world, people are starving; others are terribly abused; others need schooling. This all costs money. There are many organisations who cater for these areas and need financial support to be able to provide this care. Did you know that you can provide a child with food and schooling and all the other things that they need, just by paying a certain sum to the organisation each month. Then of course there are people with disabilities, even our own soldiers who have been terribly injured in their work. Many of these need finance to provide their care.

This is all part of honouring God with our wealth. He gives to us, we give back to Him and He gives us more so this can continue. It is not a 'get rich quick' exercise, it is demonstration of honouring God, of worshiping Him with all He has given us.

Why not give this some thought and prayer.

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard

dailylifewithjesusbygrahamehoward.blogspot.com 

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The Blue Print of Life

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct your paths."     Proverbs 3:5-6    NKJV 

These two verses say it all. They are our blue print to live by and we need to study and expound every word in order to get the best out of them.

Trust  The Hebrew meaning of this word is to lie down - to put your entire weight on something. Think, when we lie down in bed, we trust that the bed will hold our weight so that we can enjoy a good rest. This is the same type of trust. As we trust in Him, he takes the weight of our problems.

All your heart  He tells us to trust Him completely; He can sustain us, our own understanding can't. He is our rock, our foundation and he has years of practice in guiding His people forward, safely.

Lean  We are to lean on Jesus, not on our own understanding. Lean means to incline towards. So therefore, we lean into Jesus so that we can concentrate on Him and fully grasp what he is saying without the outwards distractions of life. 

Acknowledge Him  We need to consult Him and acknowledge Him in all that we do and are planning to, in fact, everything. We should never turn to and rely on other sources for life's problems. It can be helpful to seek advice from people, but they may be wrong and coming from another direction. Jesus is our source and the first point of call in all we do.

He will direct you  Let us not lean on our own understanding. We are governed by emotions and many times we feel that what we are planning is the right thing to do. Then after a few more moments of thought, we may feel guilty about this decision and begin to change our thinking. Before too long we are so confused that we really do not know what to do. Seek Jesus, He is the only one that is committed and qualified to make the right decisions for us. 

You may be in the place where a decision needs to be made and you may be struggling with this. Others may have given you advice which they felt may be helpful. However some others may have offered conflicting advice, which is never helpful. Really, the best place to start is your blue print. This is a statement of truth, a divine guidance in life. Lay the decision before Jesus and allow Him to show you the way - because, He is the way.

Copyright 2021 Grahame Howard

dailylifewithjesusbygrahamehoward.blogspot.com 

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